Monday, April 20, 2009

The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated...mostly by me

Mark Twain and me

So, I was on vacation for a week. Passover and all, that wonderful holiday of the Jews where we celebrate being freed from the oppression of the pharaoh by being oppressed by the matzoh. There's cleaning, there's cooking, there's story telling and there is constipation, pretty much in that order.

And for me, there is a serious case of "viral bronchitis" which I managed to come down with on Friday of my vacation. This is the medical term for "damn, that's a nasty cough but, it isn't ACTUALLY pneumonia". On my birthday, I called my doctor and her present to me was liquid hydrocodone, which actually does a nice job on my cough. Unfortunately, when I'm done, it does a nice job giving me a rebound migraine. Oh, and that's the third narcotic we know of that makes me itch like a sumbitch. So I had to take equal parts hydrocodone and children's Benadryl. Cause the pills weren't doing anything. So, morphine, codeine, and hydrocodeine (at least in liquid form) do NOT like me. GREAT!

So, on my first day after vacation, my birthday, I was coughing and sleeping. Mom made lamb, we had to uninvite our guests, and I slept better. On the second day, much the same. I had two more days of vacation for the last two days of passover. Yep, still sleeping. I had another sick day on Friday, which was when I had a command performance in front of my doctor who wanted to be sure it wasn't pneumonia. For those keeping score that's a week of vacation, followed by two sick days, two more days of vacation (where I was actually quite sick) and another sick day. So, for the last 8 days of my mom's vacation, she got to listen to me hack and snore. Never let it be said I don't know how to show a parent a good time. I wasn't well enough to wish for death until yesterday. I'm LESS winded walking from the couch to the kitchen, but hanging out a load of clothes necessitated a nap earlier.

I'm sorta back at work. Which means I'm on the couch with the phones trying to get out from under two weeks of email and undo the bad things that were done because I'm the only one who knows how they're supposed to be done...and Ican't even be annoyed by that because WHY am I the only one who knows how it's supposed to be done??? Oh, right. I haven't bothered to TELL anyone.

Oh, and the dogs? Yeah, they're hyped up on sunshine and have had my mom and her dog to play with for 3 weeks. It's like having a two-year-old who got into your stash of Hershey bars lose in the house while you're tied to a chair helplessly watching. I feel like Mare Winningham in that final scene of Turner and Hooch.

Off to bed. It's 9 p.m. and I feel like it's hours past my bedtime.

Thursday, April 02, 2009

Don’t make me get out my flying monkeys

Bumper sticker spotted at some point

I'll be on vacation next week. Which means EVERYBODY wants me to finish up EVERYTHING this week. In addition to the things that are IMPORTANT to finish. My mom got in on Wednesday night and was giggling at my phone calls yesterday as I'm ranting at various people. Mostly the first person was just nice enough to let me vent about why I don't have all the clean up done that he and I both need. Something about trying to coordinate 10 other people.

Anyway, maybe flying monkeys would at least keep everyone to busy to ask me stuff while I get my work done???

The Snarky Sarky

One of the three types of workplace curmudgeon defined by ittybittycrazy

Ittybittycrazy doesn't know me. She's never worked with me. But she's defined everything I have ever wanted to be in the workplace, and hell, in life.

I post this for ya'll who read from work:
    Generally sarcastic, ironic and witty, this person can be a joy to be around. They cut through the BS, expose what is really going on and manage to couch in all in terms that are simultaneously frightening in that they reveal the truth and yet reassuring in that they are absolutely hilarious. This beast is rare and should be kept close as they allow you to maintain perspective and engage in real belly laughs, something that needs to happen a lot more in the office environment.
    Example: Dr Cox from Scrubs, Sesame Street's Statler and Waldorf
    Strategy: Embrace