Tuesday, December 29, 2009

This is my daughter for whom I would gladly return to prison

Quote from First Crush

My first crush and his lovely wife had a baby yesterday. In honor of that, I sent him a quote that I'd seen on Facebook:
    Guns dont kill people Daddies with pretty Daughters Do
He sent me this in return. But not before he sent me the news that little Penelope had joined the world:
    Mum and bub are beautiful and healthy. Dad is healthy
It's fun having long lost folks back in your life. Between Facebook and Google, I've found just about everyone I ever wondered about. There's a few folks I've still not "found". Chris Thornton for instance (in case he ever ego-surfs). Heather Harris for another, though I think I can find out about her through my sister-in-law. Six degrees and all. Oh! And Dan Watola who first dubbed me Debineezer.

Anyway, I have lots of things collected up from all these weeks of silence. I'll get 'em in here soon.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

It's amazing how much fun you have with a gift card and a brick

Luann, 12/13/09

I got nothin' on this one. I blame the new Rottenfield Manor. I'm tired, tired, tired. But this is funny.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Contemplating which of the 7 deadly sins to take on next

What I Did for Love by Susan Elizabeth Phillips

I admit it...I like books with no redeeming mental value. I don't always read complete crap, but it's a good break. Personally? I'm thinking of taking up sloth for a while.

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

I want more suck for my buck!

Debi to Mike while deciding upon a range hood in Home Depot

I love to cook. Sometimes, I cook at high heat. I'm not saying I burn it, I'm saying that sometimes, a nice steak requires a little bit of singeing under the broiler, and I'm just the kinda girl to do it. Cooking a pizza at 450? Well, unless your oven is immaculate, you're likely to generate a bit of microscopic particulate matter.

Our current "exhaust fan" couldn't suck the whipped cream off a mocha. No seriously. I had NO idea that wall mounted exhaust fans existed...yep, flush to the wall. I think maybe it was supposed to be a bathroom fan or something. But it takes out next to nothing. It often fills the neighborhood with a pleasant aroma and I do tend to cook for an army...but I don't think that's part of its cunning plan.

Smoke alarms are designed to detect this microscopic particulate matter and scream at the top of their little electronic lungs that it's time to panic because...um...FIRE!!!!!!!!! The smoke detector closest to our kitchen is in the stairwell adjacent. It doesn't do it too often because we tend to keep the door to the basement closed. It's cold down there. If the smoke alarm goes off, we always say "Dinner's ready" and 9 times out of 10, it is.

No longer. For my new kitchen, I have obtained he who shall be called "Sir Sucks-a-lot". No, Gabe, he is not a Senator from Nebraska (that's actually "Sir Blows-Hard"), though it is easy to see your confusion written across your ex-patriot face. Sir Sucks-a-lot moves 440 cubic feet of air each and every minute he's powered. Compare this to the 300-350 CFM (Cubic Feet per Minute) that is considered to be on the high end of the spectrum.

Sir Sucks-a-Lot is unlikely to allow conversation in his all-powerful presence. Like his mistress, he demands all attention be paid to him. But it is a small price to pay for suck divine suckitude.

Best of all? I saved $100 because apparently, they're phasing out this model. I suspect there just isn't a market for power over beauty. There were pretty range hoods, but they lacked the power of my beautiful boy.

Mock me if you will. I bought $5 light fixtures for my bedroom and an $8 for the stairwell. Why? Because I have my priorities screwed on straight. And if you're good, I'll cook for you to prove it.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

What is that? A Par 3?

Mike's response to Tiger Wood's "Accident"

As you may know, Tiger Woods backed out of his home in a gated community this weekend, ran into his neighbor's tree, bounced off the rim and knocked himself unconscious. Um?

First, the man has way too much money to be backing out of anything. Circular driveway anyone?

Second, how does one hit a neighbor's tree hard enough to ring your proverbial bell while sustaining only minimal damage? Was he driving a friggin' hummer? Don't answer that.

So, Mike's theory was that it went mailbox, tree, street for his three hits. Hey, that's pretty good for a man who wouldn't know par if he met it on the street.

Frankly, I'm glad he's dead

Northwest Washington has experienced the execution of 5 police officers in the last couple of months. This morning, the "suspect" was shot dead.

I've been involved in several conversations surrounding these events. From what my SPD officer acquaintance hoped would happen to the killer to the nature of evil and if it exists.

Judaism does not believe in the standard interpretation of "An eye for an eye." Our tradition teaches that this passage means that reparations must be paid, not that you literally take out another.

When we recite the plagues during the Passover Seder we remove 10 drops of wine from our cups to diminish our joy because of the suffering of the Egyptians.

What I'm saying is that by tradition, we're not a blood-thirsty lot. And yet, I find myself incredibly glad the SOB is dead. I'm more glad that he was going to shoot at yet another police officer and died with one of the guns he stole from a dead officer. Without those? There could have been lingering questions over whether or not the got the right guy.

I had the opportunity this morning to tell two Seattle Police Officers thank you. Thank you for facing death every day. Thank you for doing a job I can't fathom. Thank you for protecting us. I'm glad he's dead. I'm glad he suffered with a belly wound for 2 days. I hope this doesn't speak too much of the blackness of my soul.