Thursday, January 29, 2009

Why do I feel like I’m the one who just got the prostate exam?

The Big Bang Theory

I didn't write down who said this. Seems like it had to be Leonard. Who knows. I started Thursday so VERY happy. Eventually? The idiots, morons, and plain lazy ass folks have gotten me down. No, not you Kathy. At least YOU are cute when you "forget" to do something. Oh, and you grovel.

Anyway, the project that has been ruling my life of late is going live on Monday. At least that's the party line. And I am so DAMNED happy I could skip. Apparently, telling my boss that I was frustrated and doing the happy dance gave him strange images in his head. *shrug*

But, I've been sitting. A lot. And yeah, yeah, I don't have a prostate. If you do? You don't have a cervix.

By the way, finding an image for this quote was, erm, graphic. Wow. Google "Prostate Exam" in the images search. That's just...hanging there...

It's like Cherry Pie with Lifeguards

Eliot's explanation of the Apple Pie con on Leverage

I have no idea why Mike Tivo'd this show (yet another annoying digital age noun). But it is absolutely, positively, unequivocally our last regular show, ok? There will be no more. There didn't used to be anything but Grey's Anatomy and Battlestar Galactica in my life. Then we figured out how to beam Tivo'd shows up to the damn computer and we watch friggin' HOURS of show. No more. I'm serious.

Anyway, Leverage rocks. One of the reviews says something about it being better than the last couple of Ocean's movies. I can see the comaprison, mostly from the caper and cinematography point of view, but that's where it stops. It's fun and well written. And it's a pretty good cast. And some GREAT lines.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

I'm Macho Man! I'll take that knife and shove it up your ass!

Richard Pryor in Live in Concert

A few years ago during one of our Porky's and Prime Rib parties on Christmas Eve, I rented Richard Pryor's Live in Concert DVD (or hell, maybe it was even VHS). He'd just passed away, and it seemed like a good call.

Turns out I must have watched that to the point of memorization on HBO as a kid. A lot of the stuff I'd attributed to Eddie Murphy in my memory was Richard Pryor.

He got to this one bit about being on a date and getting mugged. When this line came up, I sang along with it. Everyone in the room stopped, turned around and just busted out laughing. Honestly, this line has run through my head for 25 years.

Richard Pryor was a real comic genius. He's next on my list to rent.

Monday, January 26, 2009

What have you got against baboons in mime?

Eddie Izzard in Glorious

LOVE Eddie Izzard. I'm pretty sure Ms. Debo introduced me to him, and that is just another thing that makes her fabulous. Anyone who describes something as a "big fuck-off beard..." is my kind of tranvestite comic. In fact, "big fuck-off" is one of his favorite descriptions of anything.

And right after we watched Glorious, we watched Eddie Murphy's Raw. It wasn't as good as Delerious, but it was still funny. However, Eddie Murphy's impression of Richard Pryor saying "Tell Bill [Cosby] I said have a coke and smile and shut the fuck up." is probably my favorite line since one of Richard Pryor's. Which I think I'll use tomorrow.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Whenever you see the word "challenge," that usually means "unmitigated fucking disaster"

The source of this shall remain anonymous, only because some of you know what this was in response to. Yes, ladies and gents, it's another CHALLENGING week.

I have a great story from the hubby's work place. He works in a lovely warehouse where the living is easy and he's the most loved and valued employee in the place. Seems that no one has been able to find any of the big-honking-would-cause-brain-damage-if-applied-to-the-head type staplers. Anywhere. One of Mike's coworkers went looking for them yesterday and was told that "so-and-so" just throws them out when they're empty. That's right ladies and gentlemen. Throws out the staplers when they are empty. Apparently, no brain to damage here.

Mike started out the story with "did I tell you about the staplers in the morning meeting?" So, he got back to that. We were in the car and I said "Tell me they did NOT demonstrate how to refill a stapler." Well, it seems that not ONLY was there a detailed demonstration, there were handouts. Illustrated handouts. And the supervisor (somewhat righteously I might argue) said "Anyone caught throwing away a stapler will be fired on the spot." I'm thinking they might have a case for disability.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

I swear you're all demoted to something that involves touching shit with your hands

Source:Billy Bob Thornton as a grumpy FBI guy in Eagle Eye

The movie has been done before. The special effects have been done before. But it was decent. If for no other reason that Billy Bob Thornton delivered this line to agents who were staring at him. The whole quote is If you're staring at me, it better be because I'm the suspect. If not, get back to work or...

More importantly, this week I feel like a job that involves touching shit with my hands MIGHT JUST be a promotion, or at least a lateral move. Honestly, I am glad I have a job. I honestly like my job and I am well compensated. But as 2009 has progressed, it's gone from bad to worse to "Seriously??" to "Aw, f*ck". Shit? Shit would be a nice change of pace. Just for the rest of this month.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Sodoku: The Cheese Doodle of Brain Food

Source: Comment by Ernie as reported by Chris

Not a big Sodoku fan myself. I'll do it, but only if I've got nothing else to waste my time with, frankly. That doesn't mean I'm looking down on you. I do my own time wasting logic problem type puzzles. Just means mine are more obscure. And don't have their own "For Dummies"....erm...yeah, they do. Never mind. I do Kakuro. Only I've called it Cross Sums all my life.

Anyway, this takes NOTHING away from the fact that Ernie is a funny guy. And he listens to an INORDINATE amount of my bitching and moaning lately when it comes to the two projects that consume 98.3% of my working brain, the other 1.7% being consumed by figuring out when I'm going make it to Starbucks next. If you ask me, things are definitely out of kilter at the moment.

Update 1: Actually, someone with whom I work has brought it to my attention that the network, erm, um, overseers, have locked out access to yet another website from within the hallowed walls of our fine company. Having my own run-ins with them lately, I will admit to them taking up a couple of percentage points, though it would be hard to quantify since most of my run-ins have to do with one of the projects. I feel the annoyance, though. And marvel that no one in the Microsoft IT department feels the need to block access to ANY website out there.

Update 2: PUPPIES. Technically, yes, they're both still puppies. And they're actually quite happy together less than a week after Lily's arrival. In fact, my morning game of "Cujo" with Alice was co-opted by Lily. Actually, I think Alice just gave it to her. Little traitor.

Praise God he's going to do it while using correct English

Source: Tomato Nation

I love Sarah Bunting. Tomato Nation is some of the finest writing ever. I had her post-2004 election essay up on our bulletin board for 3 years. It's here (search for Dear Write Me In Care Of The Blues). I love this comment she made about Obama's presidency:

Obama is going to screw up, and lie about it, and do all the other frustrating and human things all the guys before him did, but praise God he's going to do it while using correct English...

I think that's what's got me bothered by this whole thing. The Deification of Obama. He's a guy. He's a good guy, and I've got hopes for him. But yeesh...he's just a guy.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

We Shall Be Free

Source: Garth Brooks

This is my favorite Garth Brooks song. Period. It's one of my favorite songs. Period. I'm watching the We Are One concert on at the moment. I was a bit disappointed when Garth came out singing American Pie. When I heard on NPR this morning that Garth was singing, I knew he HAD to sing We Shall Be Free. The man hasn't performed in what, 10 years??

He did. A short version of it. But he did. And I teared up. In my mind, there's simply no more perfect song to capture the hope in this country. What so many fear to hope for in the world.

This ain't comin from no prophet,
Just an ordinary man,
When I close my eyes I see,
The way this world shall be,
When we all walk hand in hand

When the last child cries for a crust of bread,
When the last man dies for just words that he said,
When there's shelter over the poorest head,
We shall be free

When the last thing we notice is the color of skin,
And the first thing we look for is the beauty within,
When the skies and the oceans are clean again,
Then we shall be free

We shall be free,
We shall be free,
So stand straight,
Walk proud,
'Cause we shall be free

When we're free to love anyone we choose,
When this worlds big enough for all different views,
When we're all free to worship from our own kind of pew,
Then we shall be free

We shall be free,
We shall be free,
Have a little faith,
Hold out,
'Cause we shall be free

And when money talks for the very last time,
And nobody walks a step behind,
When there's only one race and that's mankind,
Then we shall be free

It's not the kind of song you expect to hear from a country singer from Oklahoma. I hope one day I won't say that.

I still haven't caught the Obama fever. I believe he's a smart, savvy man with very reasonable expectations about what he can and cannot do. I don't want to be cynical. I want to belive in the hope he's brought to the country. I want to be wrong. Doesn't happen often enough, and this would be a great one.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Snark of my caliber is hard to come by...

By and large, the customers of my company are great. Honestly, we never hear from most of them. But being in the group with Technical Support, I'm right near the front lines. I came to terms a long time ago with the fact that most users are NOT the morons they seem, but they're using a tool they may or may not want to us to get a job done. The tool may or may not make their particular job easier. They just want it to WORK DAMN IT. And thus, the interaction with my fabulous Tech Support coworkers begin.

SOMETIMES, you will interact with a customer who resistent to logic. Yeah, we'll go with that. Sometimes it gets escalated to me if I'm running a particualar project. After I try to nicely explain why their suggestion is idiotic, erm, I mean, doesn't actually match with our software functionality, they usually thank me for being so helpful and then let us fix it.

THEN? There are those who KEEP PUSHING THE POINT. Those? Get sent to the account executive. Oh, we're still there, it's just not, shall we say, our responsibility to beat the shit out of them so we can beat some sense into them. And anyone who has EVER met me outside of a customer-facing work enviroment is already shaking their heads that Debi could be tactful to a customer. Yeah, and they like me, too.

Anyway, we threw one of these instances over the fence to Kevin the other day for to set up a call that the customer wanted. I am assuming that this was so he could rehash for the 17th time that he wanted us to break our software so he could do the wrong thing with his coding. Kevin asked if I wanted to be part of the call, and I pointed out that while my snark is extremely high quality, post-call sarcasm is of limited corporate value.

In other news, Lily is here and damn is she full of piss and vinegar. However, Mycroft bitch slapped her into last week, so she'll have time to do it all again. Pictures soon.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Enjoy the plane ride, Mr. Roark

Source: Ricardo Montalban, 1920-2009

Seriously? Yahoo reports this on the bottom of their entertainment section. The Rich Corinthian Leather Man. The "KIRRRRRKKKKKKK!!!!!" man. The man who gave Willam Shatner a much deserved "F*ck You!" in both the original series and the second motion picture. Ok, maybe Checkov didn't deserve the bug in the ear thing.

Mr. Roark was a magician. He improved the lives of everyone who came to Fantasy Island. He was the straight man to Tattoo's bumbling cuteness. Ok, that was typecasting, but I do not blame Ricardo.


When you start envying people their nervous breakdowns...

Source: Everything Changes by Johnathon Tropper

Ok, I've gotten into Chapter 4, and had to pull over 4 times to write down quotes. So, there WILL be more. This is something he says after witnessing his coworker totally lose it. It starts with throwing his phone into the hallway and stomping it to tiny pieces. His huge monitor follows with a nice explosion. Then his printer, which only makes a depressing thud. Then there's about 15 minutes of files tearing and picture frames shattering before he collapses in the hallway sobbing before being escorted out by security.

I've been LAME about updating screen names and thus this blog. It's gonna change. Starting now!

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Does the 17-year-old Porn Star come with it?

Source: Comment from Mike during bed shopping

Alice (my dog), is getting a little sister. I'm sure I'll have something to say about that soon, but one of the things that needs to go along with another dog is a king-sized bed. On Craig's List yesterday, I found a slightly used, $4000 bed for $350. We got it. It doesn't have a nice frame, just one of those cheap metal ones they give away. So, I was creeping around Craig's List seeing what I could find in realm of bed frames. In addition to one that purported to come up to chest height when you got mattress and box springs on (Um?), there was this gem. I showed it to Mike who always cuts right through the bullshit to ask the important questions.

As a smart man, he did not make it clear if the porn star would make him more or less likely to purchase the set.

Tito, Get me a Tissue

Source: Eddie Murphy's Delirious from 1983

It's a damned good thing I brought this home. Horton Hears a Who! was a total bust and Gena, Mike and I decided to turn it off after 42 minutes. Our copy of Wall*E wasn't playing right. Gena has NO interest in seeing 28 Days Later... (which once Mike and I saw it, we didn't much either). So, that left some Eddie, which had been upfront in the 1983 section at Scarecrow.

I must have seen that a dozen times when I was, erm, yeah, that would be 12. I still laughed uncontrollably. It has the classic Ice Cream routine and the Family BBQ schtick. But I think my favorite part is always the mom with the shoe. The man was 22 years old. Dayum.

Anyway, I'm going to rent Raw someday soon along with getting back to some classic Richard Pryor. Oh, and Eddie Izzard. Gotta watch some Eddie Izzard soon.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Get me Katie Couric, Al Jezeera and 100 gallons of sheep shit

Source: War, Inc.

The other quote in the movie that I really liked. This was a set-up for a public exectution. Nice.

How is she so friggin' cute? Seriously, how?