Monday, March 30, 2009

Shiny Poo Soufflé

Yet another reason Cupcake Cakes are a bad thing according to Cakewrecks Blog

Yes, I woke up to a Shiny Poo Soufflé. Discover a bug in an update? Don't call the project manager to say "Hey, we've got a bug here and perhaps you might want to investigate before we install this to all 400 of our sites". Send a message to everyone saying the person who is out sick screwed up a major site and by the way, don't run that update because it's causing more work for the people in the office. Huh. Hadn't thought of that one. Meanwhile, the project manager is getting a slow start to her Monday with NO FRIGGING IDEA that there's Shiny Poo Soufflé potentially hitting the rotating air moving machine.

Turns out there's no major problem. One major site got affected with something we shouldn't have done. Sucks, but not NEARLY as much as it could have. I typically prefer human error to coding errors.

On the VERY bright side, lots of projects done over the weekend, a bed and a second bed frame vacated the premises today and Mom gets in tomorrow night for 3 weeks. Down side? I have NO idea what my next screen name should be.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Polyhybrid Heterogeneous Bastards

Phrase found while Googling for "Departing Bastards"

One of those stories where the getting there is better than the why you started heading there. I think. The Bastard Neil is leaving the building. Or more accurately the state. I Googled for "Departing Bastards" since I figured I should make some sort of mention of it.

The fifth entry returned on my search was an abstract from an article in a journal of medical history. Medical history? Who knew people studied that. I've read the abstract of the article that is the title of this blog entry. I think I get what the article is about, but I'm REALLY hoping the title is a bit of a inside joke. Of course, I majored in chemistry because biology didn't make sense.

Anyway, really funny phrase covered, I needed a picture, right? Image searching for "Polyhybrid Heterogeneous Bastards", "Polyhybrid Bastards", and "Polyhybrid Heterogeneous" were all pretty boring. "Heterogeneous Bastards" turned up some cool images along with this one which was found at this site, though I'm not sure WHERE at this site. This site also features an advertisement for scrum circumcision as a procedure to decrease scrum masturbation. Those developers (or those close to them) engaged in scrum-like activities MIGHT want to check it out.

Anyway, I'm going to miss my favorite curmudgeon. He'd better get there safe and sound or I'm going to be forced to drag my sorry ass to Vermont and be very cross with him. I've always found crossness and threats to be very effective strategies with him.

OW! means OW!

Annoyed comment to Mike
I am an only child. I had an estranged step-sister I saw for about 2 weeks of my childhood. I think I have 5 step-sisters now, but that's only in the last 2 years.

As such, I never had anyone to rough house with growing up. My husband grew up with 3 older brothers. He had plenty of opportunity for rough housing. So, I take every opportunity to try to take him on in wrestling and my favorite, towel fighting.

Given that I have several pounds on him, he's obviously better at the wrestling thing as we're ALMOST evenly matched. When he puts his mind to it, I don't stand a chance, but usually he's a good sport since it obviously means so much more to me.

Towel snapping? No. Me? I suck at this game. Does this stop me from trying? Every time? No. Why? Because I am OBVIOUSLY a complete moron. I'm blaming my lack of depth perception for my suckitude. Which means I blame my mom. But anyway.

I can occasionally get in a good snap, but it's entirely luck, and I probably run 20%. And by "good snap" I mean it stings him momentarily. He ALWAYS retaliates and he's good. He's got the mojo. He once snapped Jeremy on the butt. The boy had a 2" DARK PURPLE welt instantaneously. Which we saw as we picking the poor kid up off the floor.

My theory is, I get in a few really pointless snaps and when Mike retaliates he gets in a few GOOD snaps. I scream OW! which is seldom a lie and he should call it even, right? No. He's right, I deserve no sympathy. I never learn. But damn it, when he connects, I welt, I bruise, I HURT. Son of a bitch got me in the finger last night. I'm not denying that I've got it coming, but he's a push over, damn it.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

I've got limited capacity for sympathy and am willing to dole it out to those I deem deserving...

Comment to George
It turns out I'm am not incapable of sympathy. When something is hard, I'm willing to commiserate, but you only get a little bit of whining period. Then I will tell you to quit your bitching and suck it the hell up.

I've been feeling a bit sorry for myself over the last few days, and I haven't particularly wanted sympathy from anyone. I told a few people, but I didn't want sympathy. Anyway, I'm over it.

And welcome to little Miss Evangeline Rae Apostol who arrived on Tuesday, March 24th just before 5 p.m.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

It tastes like muddy water urinated into by a syphilitic bum

Unsolicited opinion of Starbucks' new instant coffee offered by Chris

Been a while since I've quoted Chris. Mostly because I don't drag my ass into the office often enough. Which means I don't see him often enough. He was inspired enough to send this to me on IM.

Indeed, Starbucks has instant coffee now. Not just one flavor but two. Bold and um, er, not-so-bold? I'm not sure which Chris describes in the above comment, but I'm fairly sure his opinion of the other would be less-than-flattering as well.

So, hurry right in.

Friday, March 20, 2009

It’s such a nice day. Please don’t f#ck it up

Bumper sticker seen above an old faded I (heart) Jesus sticker

I've physically left the house and gone to my place of employment for the last 3 days. This is a good thing. I get to interact with those who are not my dogs or baristas during business hours. I get to have lunch with Chris (a BIG draw). I get time to listen to my audiobook during my commute.

However, it takes planning to deal with my blog. Because I can't post to it from place of employment. It's blocked. So, I apologize for the fact my screen name was the same for the last three days, but I actually did something I haven't done intentionally for a year. I left my computer AT WORK so I wouldn't mess with it at home.

I now return you to your less self-absorbed world.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Who wants to be an autopsy?

9 Chickweed Lane, March 15, 2009

I had something funny to say about this, but it's probably just rude and insensitive. Instead, I'll point you to a little something something about a piece of death pre-planning you're unlikely to have thought of thus far: how to let your vast group of online friends know you're taking a dirt nap. This article leads you to TWO current and one soon-to-be launched sites that will let your WoW friends know that you didn't abandon them because of that argument. That argument caused a massive coronary and you've dropped dead. Live with that, Orc-face.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Is this a...meeting or death by combover?

9 Chickweed Lane, March 15, 2009

This IS my favorite comic strip ever. Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever.

I must say that it's been a blessedly been a very long time since I've been surrounded by combovers. Being in the high tech industry has many hidden benefits. I don't even remember too much of it during my stint at Boeing...of course, Boeing is the home of testosterone and kingdom building, so a full head of hair helps. I think you've got to be in an old school corporations, perhaps toward the higher echelons, or in academia.

Bert will remember the analytic/experimental chem professor at Eckerd. I think the man used ear hair for his combover. And sadly, I think his 10-year-old son had a combover AND was wearing dear old dad's polyester hand-me-downs in south Florida. Deeply, horrifyingly tragic. Of course, he never had the balls to say to me in lab one day "I guess you're NOT just another pretty face." *SHUDDER* Eckerd was great, but even the cool profs were a bit scary.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

How bad does a drug deal have to go to leave the drugs behind?


There's a problem with the way Mike and I watch TV shows. I blame him, but he's used to it. When we find one we like, he records them all. I mean he finds them on syndication and between the 4 or 5 channels that typically air shows, he's got them all in no time.

Then we watch them. All. One after the other. We went through 5 seasons of NCIS in a couple of months. Then? It's down to once a week or less. Which SUCKS ASS. Because you've gotten used to see the show every night or so. Some nights? When you're LAZY AS SHIT? Yeah, let's be honest, 2 or 3 episodes.

We're not any different than other couch potatoes. We just don't watch anything that's not on TIVO. And it would seem the only compulsion my husband has is for making sure he has every episode of a show. He watched 1 episode of Angel before putting on a season pass. Now he has them all and he's watched TWO EPISODES.

I've put my foot down on the no more shows thing. Sadly, he pried it up and put Bones underneath it. But that's it, damn it.
    The Big Bang Theory
    Grey's Anatomy
    Private Practice
    Eleventh Hour
    Nip/Tuck (but only really in marathon format)

But yeah we're watching all the old episodes of Bones, then we're part way through Season 6 of The West Wing...then there's the rest of the latest season of Nip/Tuck to catch up on. Thankfully summer's almost here. We don't watch nearly as much during the summer. If I have to take a sledgehammer to the TIVO, we're not watching nearly as much this summer.

Bailey, play dead

Stupid Pet Trick on Late Show with David Letterman

Seriously, go watch this. It's a nice diversion from all the news that the world is about to end. Right now, we're in obedience classes with Alice and Lily. We're supposed to teach them a trick. Riiiiiigggghhhhtttt...we figure we can teach Alice to cower and Lily to run around like a maniac.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

I find cheap populism oddly arousing

John Stewart during his evisceration of Rick Santelli

Moral of the story seems to be that you should not be an ass and THEN stand up John Stewart. Because his staff will then go back and find many many stupid things you have said on television and put them all together in a blistering montage. I don't watch John Stewart enough.

Monday, March 09, 2009

Blessed are the dumbfucks for they...shall never be disappointed

Lamb by Christopher Moore

Boy HOWDEE does this have special resonance for me and Kathy!

This also comes during the writing of the Sermon on the Mount, which is perhaps my favorite scene from Lamb (after the opening which involves Joshua bringing lizards back to life after his little brother stones them). When Joshua queries what should they bless the dumbfucks with, Biff puts his foot down. He might actually try to put his foot up, but it doesn't elaborate. Two paragraphs later, after Joshua keeps trying to slip them in, Biff ends it with "NO DUMBFUCKS!"

Kathy and I have also done enough for them. We just can't make them go away. She suggested today that we make a particular one's life completely miserable. The only problem is I'm not sure he's smart enough to notice. And it would make me spend even MORE time thinking about him without the joy of knowing I'm making him suffer.

Anyway, this brings to an end a week of Chris Moore quotes. He's great fun, so check him out. Very entertaining, but not brain candy...more like brain bread pudding with a nice whisky sauce.

I like my men the way I like my tea: weak and green

A Dirty Job by Christopher Moore

Now no one who has ever spent any corporeal time with me (as opposed to electronic time) could imagine that this quote personifies me. However, they would also understand that having strong, nay, convincing, perhaps even UNALTERABLE opinions on how one's tea should be consumed appeals to me.

Obviously, the character who makes this statement is incorrect. Obviously, all tea should be served black and strong the way G-d intended to put a little hair on your chest and fire in your belly. Preferably iced. G-d intended all tea to be served sweet. And no you do NOT make sweet tea by adding sugar packets to it. G-d gives me special dispensation since I can't handle too much liquid sugar and no one on this coast can sell decent sweet tea. Green tea? It's not ripe yet!!! Herb tea? It ain't tea. It's got it's place, it ain't always bad. But it AIN'T tea. White tea? Seriously? Sounds like something the Aryan nation came up with when they found out they were drinking something BLACK at tea time.

As wrong as this particular sentiment is, it amuses me greatly. I like to think she was making a point since she had our poor protagonist (who was feeling not-so-ripe himself) tied to a chair and I think she was about to interrogate him with her army of stuffed rats.

Bert? That's your cue to go have a big glass of the house wine of the South with your dinner. Or your supper if you're reading this later. I'm craving some hush puppies, too if you could grab some of those.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

Blessed are the meek for to them we shall say "Atta boy"

Lamb by Christopher Moore

And here starts the quotes from possibly my favorite book of all time. Christ's childhood best friend, Biff, is back from the dead to write the lost gospel. You know? The one telling us where he was between the manger and persecution?

Most of us have heard of the Sermon on the Mount. And according to Biff, this wasn't some off the cuff sorta sermon. It was a 3 day writing slog. It wasn't easy to come up with the Beatitudes, you know, the Blesseds? So, Biff shows us part of the writing session. It only gets better from here.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Kicking subtlety senseless and rolling it up in a rug

Fool by Christopher Moore

Honestly, I have no idea what this means. Really. I would never belabor a point or be over-descriptive or have the tact of an oak tree. Nope, not me. I just thought it sounded funny.

This may actually be a week of Christopher Moore quotes. Hell, it could be a month, but that would require me to go back and read all his books. Not a bad undertaking, but I just FINALLY pulled out Time and Chance which I should have read some 6 or 7 years ago when it first came out. And it will take a while. Heck, with the first two books of hers I read, half the difficulty was navigating the Welsh names. But she is an AMAZING author. Not so much on the quotability scale, though.

Anyway, for tomorrow I shall pull out Lamb which is perhaps my FAVORITE book of all time. So favorite that I have to autographed copies.

Monday, March 02, 2009

He burped the Body of Christ for a week

Fool by Christopher Moore

Ok, I actually READ King Lear in high school...well, sorta. I started to and then reasoned that Shakespeare was not meant to be read, but watched. So, I rented it. I had to follow along with the book because man that shit it hard to understand. Obviously I forgot all of it. I have NO EARTHLY IDEA how closely fool follows the actual story of King Lear, but I vote we replace Shakespeare with Chris Moore in schools.

This refers to the time when the protagonist's dimwitted protege gets stuck in a Church and gets hungry. Apparently, all of the sacramental wafers and wine disappear.

Get thee to the booksellery and purchase your copy. Or come over an borrow mine.

I don’t want to spend a lot of time confusing them

Comment made to boss that may have induced soiling

You ever have one of those freak occurrences that was a bit convoluted? You're not sure why someone is bitching or even who they are? It took a while to straighten out, it wasn't entirely clear who was "responsible" for said straightening, and it's not even clear who should communicate and who needs to know? See, I've already spent too much time confusing you, haven't I?

So, you fix it, you tell people about it, and you may have even confused them. You could tell everyone who MIGHT see it again in the REMOTE chance it COULD happen again? But that would be even more time spent confusing them. And that would only compound the time you would then have to spend unconfusing them.

So, as my boss was making me repeat myself to induce even MORE laughter at my comment, he pointed out that indeed, confusing people should always be done in the most efficient way possible. He's all about the efficiency, at least on his dime. And I'm all about keeping him happy, when it amuses me.