Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Aw honey, did your butt scare you?

Trying to comfort Lily

Yes, I'm a dog person. Well, specifically, I'm a small dog person, which makes me FAR less of a person in some eyes. And I understand those eyes, because they used to be mine. I don't know that I could be a big dog person for a few reasons. One, they drool. Big dogs drool. It's not their fault. If I had a tongue that big hanging out the side of my mouth as my only means of cooling, I'm sure I'd drool like that, too. The fact remains, there are few things on earth that gross me out more quickly.

Second? Big dogs smell like dogs. I'm not saying my dogs don't smell, but they have to REALLY need a bath for me to even notice when they're curled up in my lap. It helps that mine are not only TINY but also the shortest of short-haired, so there's not a lot of places for the stench to hide. Dogs are hard to keep clean, I know. And I'm sure I'd be entirely too lazy to keep a big dog clean and thus un-stanky. Thus, no big dog.

Anyway, my crazy, high maintenance, yappy little Italian Greyhound, Lily, is...well? She's very intelligent but...she's a drama queen, which you would think would make her my favorite, but let's face it, I hate the competition. I'm at least a self-aware drama queen. What's really funny is that even though she's a year and a half old, and hasn't grown since she was probably 10 months old, she still doesn't exactly know where all parts of her doggie-self are at any given time. Iggies (shorthand for Italian Greyhound) have amazingly long legs. So my 10-pound dog is as tall as your standard 30-pound mutt. She doesn't seem to keep track of them very well. She's always doing stupid things like sticking them under my feet when they're about to hit the ground. I KEEP telling her "paw vs. shoe"? Shoe ALWAYS wins. She's a slow learner.

She also does this bizarre thing once or twice a day which can ONLY be described as Lily Freak-out. Without seeing it (I should record it for YouTube) all I can say is that it's as if she's gearing up to do the dead cockroach. She heads for the couch and attacks the part where the back and the seat join. And she rolls. And rolls. And bites. And jumps. It's truly hysterical. And it's not just one couch. Any couch she's on when the mood strikes.

Anyway, Lily's butt has stalked her a few times. More precisely, she's had a klingon or two and they scare the unholy bejeebers out of her. She runs around yelping with her tail tucked under her. I shouldn't laugh, but it's funny as hell. That isn't what elicited this particular comment. She just jumped away from her butt. Yeah, that's what I said. Maybe it was post-traumatic klingon syndrome??


Unknown said...

She doesn't smell because she's rubbing the stank off on the couch. Take a whiff of the couch next time.

Anonymous said...

My butt scares me too, but for different reasons. I WISH I could jump away from my butt - or at least part of it. Wouldn't that be great? If I could leap forward and leave some butt behind, if I could leap backwards and leave some gut behind... Then I could sell my own blubber and save a whale! Then I could email Al Gore and maybe he'd twitter my name and make me famous for 3 seconds! WOOO!

OK, I am going to have a calming cup of tea now.

Debineezer said...

If all it took was the Hokey Pokey to lose weight, you'd never be able to go clubbing again:)